The Macerana of Time
by Kiona Spicer
Summary: (OoT-post 7 year sleep.) The Sages have somehow been replaced by mysteriously powerful girls, whose motives and methods are unclear. Think that'll stop the randomness? Join Link in his escapades across Hyrule, aided by Navi, and Tani, the warrioress.
1. Warrioress

Hey everybody!!! What are you all doing? You are reading this of course! This is my beautiful new Zelda fic. Be nice, it's my first real Zelda one.

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Got it! I only own my plot to take over the world with cheese! Okii!!!

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Link gasped as he walked out the Temple of Time. The Hyrule Marketplace was completely annihilated, and the only things moving were ReDead. Link couldn't believe they made him train in the Light Realm for a whole 7 years. He could have been here, he could have stopped this. Now it might be too late for everything…

As Link thought these somber thoughts, he slowly became aware of a threat, an enemy that was coming to find him. He could almost hear the sinister music. He was about to draw his sword, and a small tap on his shoulder nearly made him jump out of his skin. He was anticipating an attack , not a small touch. what he thought was a ReDead turned out to be a girl who looked about his age.

"Are you alright?" she asked, pushing her short crimson bangs out of her eyes. The rest of her hair was pulled into two short pigtails near on the upper part of the back of her head. (Think the chick of Pkmn coloseum) "You sho' don't look like the any sort of 'hero' to me." She said, squinting one bright blue eye at him. Link simply stood, dumbfounded. Who was this girl who sounded like she knew him?

"Malon?" that was the only red-head he could think of. When he spoke, the girl's eyes went very round.

"Do you really think I look like her? That is so cool! She is _so_ awesome! I just saw her playing like last week!" the girl shrieked, obviously ecstatic.

"So I'll take that as a no. But what are you talking about? You saw her playing?" the girl nodded her head.

"Yup. She's the lead singer of the Purple Flamingos. They are like _the_ /33t35t band! I go to every show, and I always get good seats, cuz I like know all the peeps on the band. In H-"

"I get it." Link interrupted her. "She's in a band. Right. So who are you?" the girl grew very serious looking andeveything seemed to get darker.

"I am… TANI THE MOO-MOO CHARMER, AND YOU SHALL COWER BEFORE ME!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" Link stood, mouth hanging open.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Well of course I am. The one you should really be afraid is down at the Lake right now, I think."

"Huh?"

"What?"

"What did you say?"

"What? I said what."

"No, before that."

"What what?"

"What?!?"

"That's what _I_ asked _you_! Jeez, could you like stop being confusing?" Tani said in a condescending tone.

"I'm sorry. Wait why am _I_ apologizing?!?"

"Beats the pineapple out of me. Wanna play with my yo-yo?"

"N-no, I'm, I'm good thanks." Link said. He was very mixed up.

"Suit yourself." The girl pulled out a round yo-yo, which was bLinking suspiciously, and began to spin it expertly.

"So. Why are you here again? I mean, why are you talking to me?" Link questioned.

"I am here because it was decided that you will require assistance if you are to defeat the great evil in this land."

"Huh?"

"They don't think you can take Ganondork on yer own."

"Oh. Well that's not very nice. So, are you here to take me to this 'assistance' or something?" the girl simply blinked in disbelief.

"_I_ am here to help you! Goddesses above you are _dense_! Notice the warrior-ish clothes!" She motioned to the tight silver Capri's and what appeared to be a purple haori. (Kinda like Inu's, only with no sleeves.)

"Okay. I get it. So, what's your weapon?"

"I'm an archer!" She exclaimed happily. "See, here's my bo- oh no." she had reached around behind her back in search of the weapon. Only to discover there was nothing there but her quiver. She got teary-eyed. "A random bush gave me that bow after I answered his impossible question. I loved it like it was my own toe…" Link simply shook his head. "Oh well, I'll live." She began humming as she skipped towards the entrance.

"Where you going now?" Link asked.

"The Kokiri Forest, duh." She said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What?" Link asked, startled. "why are you going to my home?" There's something funky goin on over there. And that one chick, uhm, what's her name? Sámi, no, Sara? That's no right… Samanthia…"

"Saria?!" Link asked, worried about his childhood friend. Tani snapped her fingers.

"Yup. That's the one. She's been missing for awhile now. We should- Link? Where'd he go?" He was taking off towards the Forest, with Tani chasing frantically after him. In their hurry, neither of them saw the smirk of the person atop the Hyrule drawbridge.

"So the Hero has awoken. This ought to be fun."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Whew! Well, there's the first chapter! Woohoo! So many exclamation points! Will we ever find out the what the bush's impossible question was? Please review! Tell me what you think. Pleasepleaseplease! Thank you!


	2. The Very Lost Woods

Hi guys! First off, I would like to thank peeps.

**Empress**- yes yes, it's up! And thanx for the support!

**blackcat5000**- I hope I've got you hooked.

**PinkyTheSnowman-**I am flattered that you 'luffed' it so much! Hehehe.

**Mentality at its Worst**- I think it is harsh of you to flame a humour story such as this. If I spelt something wrong, it probably wasn't that I was being immature. You are being a bit childish to point it out so bluntly.

Well! Everyone except Mentality gets 86357 cool points! Thank you for reviewing!

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **

At the top of the hill, (near Lon Lon Ranch) Tani fell over.

"Please, stop. Just for a minute." She said, taking refuge beneath a tree.

"Oh come on! We should get to the Forest A.S.A.P."

"Look, it's not going anywhere! Just chill for a second. Okay?"

"Fine. You sure are a lot of trouble for being here to help me."

"What? Oh yah, that. Well, I just haven't gone running across any massive fields lately."

Link smiled as he sat down beside her. "We're only half way across."

"You're serious? Damn. We are so getting you your horse after this."

"What horse?"

"You'll see."

"Well, are you rested? Can we get going now?"

"You're not the kind to sleep on the job are you? I guess not. Alright let's go. But can we take it slower this time?"

"Whatever you say." Link pulled her to her feet. She took a couple steps and collapsed again.

"I can't move. Go on without me." She said dramatically.

"Alright. See you later." Link shrugged.

"I wasn't being serious you dolt! Get back here!" Tani yelled, jumping to her feet. Link laughed and broke into a run.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo **

"Link! Wait up!" Tani panted as she reached the entrance to the Kokiri woods. (Ya know, where those trees the owl sits on are) She jumped slightly she saw the shadow of a tree _move_.

"Don't worry. The hero will not leave without you." Spoke a figure, stepping out from behind a tree. "Tani, if you guide the hero to the Temple in the woods, you shall be reunited with your bow."

"Really? I'll get my bow back? Wait, why should I trust you?" Tani asked with narrowed eyes.

"You have my word. The hero will find it in the Temple. All you need to do is guide him there and we will take care of the rest." The voice belonged to a girl that looked as though she was not much older than Link. She wore dark clothes and a rather imposing cloak. She had sweeping dark purple hair (that moved in the random wind.) But it was her eyes that gave her a menacing look. Dark, fiery, dangerous eyes. She smirked at Tani. "Can you do this?"

Tani crossed her arms. "I'm not making any promises."

"I shall take that as a yes." The girl said with a wave of her arm. "I'll see you again when I have further need of you." She blinked and turned into a ball of light. "And remember; once you are in the Woods, leave the hero. You will meet up with him at the temple. Eventually. That is the deal." The light took of in the direction of Lake Hylia.

"Yeah, cuz I _really_ care about the 'deal'." Tani said, rolling her eyes.

**OoO in the meantime OoO**

Link stood on the bridge that hung above the Lost Woods. (Where Saria gave him the Fairy ocarina)

"Hurry up Tani." He muttered. He thought about the strange girl. He also thought of his first friend in the Kokiri forest, Saria. She was nice to him even when he didn't have a fairy. She was always calm and she was very nice. Completely unlike Tani, he thought to himself. She was something else entirely. But he felt comfortable around her, almost like he'd known her for a long time. He shook his head and took out the Fairy Ocarina. He smiled at it fondly. He had lost the ocarina Zelda had given him. It had somehow disappeared when he ran across Hyrule field. Luckily he had kept Saria's for sentimental reasons. He played a few notes on it, but it began to beep oddly.

**-beep beep beep-**

"What the-"

**-beep beep beep. This ocarina will self-destruct in 5, 4-**

"Eep! What am I supposed to do?"

**-2,-**

"Throw it Link, throw it!" Tani yelled as she stepped on the bridge. He did so. The ocarina exploded with a poof of confetti in the air above Link's head.

"Ooh. Pretty. I wonder why it boomed." Tani said quietly. "Weird."

"Yah." Link said sadly. "Speaking of weird, I haven't see Navi since I came out of the Temple…"

Tani choked on her hum. "Navi? She wouldn't happen to be a supremely annoying little fairy would she?" Tani asked nervously.

"I suppose you could say that. Why?" Link asked suspiciously.

"Uhm." Tani cleared her throat. "I didn't know, I swear!"

"What didn't you know?"

"Shewasjustflyingaroundandshewouldn't_shutup_andIdidn'tthinkanyonewouldmissherso-"

"Slow down! Just tell me where she is."

Tani gulped. She tossed her yo-yo at him.

"What? Why did you give me your…" Link trailed off. He heard a strange squeaking noise. He blinked and looked down at the yo-yo. As it flashed, he was hit with realization.

"NAVI! How did you get in there?" he turned to Tani. "You did this?"

"I didn't know she was _your_ fairy!" she defended, looking rather uncomfortable.

"Oh, so if she had just been some random fairy it would have been fine?" Link asked angrily.

"Well…"

"Are you serious!"

"Well that's what I had in there before."

"You're hopeless. Just set my fairy free." Link asked, disgusted. Tani took the yo-yo and twisted off the top. Navi flew out drunkenly.

"Air. Sweet air." She began to fall and Link caught her.

"You've nearly killed her!" Link accused.

"I wish." Tani muttered.

Death glare from Link and Navi

"I mean… Sorry." She mumbled, hanging her head.

"Whatever. Can we leave?" Link asked, obviously annoyed.

"Alright. You're no fun, did you know that? Now you know! Anyway, we should make a plan." Tani said as she began pacing the length of the bridge.

**-creak-**

"What'dya mean plan?"

"A plan for death and destruction, no doubt." Navi accused, now that she was able to flit around. (If she has enough strength to do that, she has enough strength to be annoying.)

"He didn't ask _you_, Twitchit." Tani said, making a face at the fairy. "He asked _me_." She turned to Link. "We need to make a plan to get to the Temple. I have a feeling it won't be that easy." She resumed her pacing.

**-creak-**

"That's Navi to you. And of course it will be easy." The self-identified fairy said confidently.

"Oh? And how to you know that?" Tani asked, with obvious contempt for the winged imp.

"Well for one, we have Link." Upon hearing his name he smiled proudly. "And two, when we're not sure which way we should go we just listen. If we hear music, we can go on. If we don't, that way will just take us back to the entrance." Tani just increased the pace of her pacing.

**-creak-**

"May I ask how you know this, oh great wise one?" Tani asked mockingly.

"I just know, alright? And would you stop that incessant pacing?"

"Alright! How about I jump!" Tani asked as she began to hop around.

**-creak creeeeeeeeeeeeeeak snap-**It was too much for the poor old bridge. Tani managed to hop onto the ledge before the rope snapped completely. Link didn't fare so well. He had sat down to watch Tani and Navi fight. He figured he might as well let them get it over with. So when the rope snapped, he went straight down and landed with a crash that cost him half a heart. Tani winced.

"Ooh. Sorry Link! That's my bad. I'll meet you in the Woods!" Tani yelled and then took off.

"What an idiot. Are you okay Link?" Navi asked, flying down to him.

"Yah, I'll be alright." He said as he stood up and brushed off his clothes. "It's Tani I'm worried about. I wouldn't be surprised if she was already in mortal danger."

**OoOoO In the first real room in the Lost Woods (with the Deku Scrub) OoOoO **

"5 Wolfos, all for me? How can a girl get so lucky?" Tani said as she sized up the Wolfos surrounding her. "This is no big deal. They're just hungry. Unfortunately I'm the main entrée. I only I had my bow or something." She snapped her fingers. "I knew this would come in handy!" she pulled out a huge bone. "And the people on the field trip said I was nuts. Here pup-pup! Puppy wanna bone?" the Wolfos all began to whine like pets. "Yah. Good Wolfos!" she began to swing the bone around. "Go and get it!" she threw it off into the woods, with the Wolfos in hot pursuit. Just when she thought she was safe…

**-tonk-** Tani picked up the Deku seed that bounced off her head and looked around suspiciously. It wasn't long before another hit her. This time she swung around just in time to see the Deku Scrub dive back into its flower.

"Think yer real slick, doncha, punk?" she said putting her hands on her hips. The response was another Deku nut. "That's it plantman!" Tani yelled as she ran towards the edge of the cliff. She jumped and landed on the tree. She was in the midst of trying to pull the Scrub up by his leaves when Link entered the clearing.

"Tani!" Upon hearing her name, she froze and slowly released the poor Deku. She sat down on the tree and acted as though she tried to uproot small plants every day of the week.

"Hi there Link. Funny meeting you here." She said, putting her hands behind her head.

"Just what were you doing young lady?" Navi asked flying over to her.

"Yah, really Tani. That guys neat! He gave me a bigger seed bag when I was little. Why are you picking on him?"

"He started it!" she defended, jumping off the tree and _accidentally_ smacking Navi.

"Hey! That's not nice!"

"Hehehe… I mean, oops. I'm _so_ sorry Blinky." Tani said, rolling her eyes.

"The name's Navi."

"Can we go now?" Link asked, completely bored.

"Lead the way! If we keep going straight, we're sure to get through here no prob!" Tani said gleefully.

"_That's_ your master plan?" Link asked in disbelief.

"Don't knock it till you try it!"

"Whatever. Let's give it a shot."

"Yayness!"

"Idiots."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo **

So, with Tani's master plan, they took off through the woods. They didn't make much progress, but Link did find a Gold Skulltula.

"Jeez! That stoopid spider drove me nuts when I was a kid! I just couldn't get to it!" Link said happily.

"Groovy. Let's press, on shall we? Can we keep going straight? It's worked well so far." Tani said rapping her fingers on a random cow.

"Sure. Who's yer friend there?" Link asked, half laughing.

"This is MooMoo!" Tani said, giving no further explanation. Link shook his head.

"C'mon, let's go."

"Kay." They walked through the door straight in front of them.

"What the flip? We've been here already!" Link said incredulously. "Navi?"

"What?"

"Wasn't it _your_ job to check for the music?"

"I did! There was music by the door! And by this one. And…" She began flying around. "There's music by all of these doors. That's not right." She went through the closest to her, only to come out a different door into the same clearing. "This isn't good…"

"What's the problem?" Tani asked. Navi sighed.

"Weren't you paying attention when I explained this earlier in the chapter?" Tani shook her head. "Well then, the music is supposed to lead us to Saria! If all the doors have music, then we're _completely_ lost!" Navi said, sounding very downhearted.

"This ought to be fun…" Link said sarcastically.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo **

If only he knew. Hehehe. Oh and Empress, I used yer word up there. Yah don't mind, do ya? So! Why is the music playing by all the doors? What has caused this? Where's my Popsicle? Nobody ever suspects the butterfly… Review!


	3. Don't bet with a talking cow

Thanx for the reviews,

**Empress:** Heck yes! Updates are the leetest! Heck yes! That had nothing to do with your review!

**Pinky:** you're awesome! MooMoo is cool, and she's not going anywhere, so there might be kickings!

Cool points to the both of you! How bout, 75.77? Sounds about right!

Mr. Dude: I am now the official disclaimer. Kay. Alexia owns nothing! Except Turnip and Chipotopolay, her right and left feet, respectively. Turnip keeps getting in fights, but Chipotopolay is peaceful. So they aren't speaking right now! Once again, this authoress doesn't own Lion King or Napoleon Dynamite!

**OoO OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **(This is a scene change, I should say that cuz I keep getting questions.)

"We're hopelessly lost!" Link whined as he sat down on a stump. They had been in the forest for at least a day, though it seemed like years.

"It's not hopeless!" Tani smiled.

"Oh yeah? Why not?" Link questioned

"Well, I still have hope!" she said gleefully. "Plus, I know exactly where we're going. I just can't remember how to get there. Things look so different from down here…"

"Down here? What were you flying recently?" Navi asked sarcastically.

"No, what do you think! What's yer problem! Idiots!" Tani said, sounding like a kid with sweet glasses and a tight 'fro. (Muaha!)

"Don't bring me into this." Link said, looking at the arguing duo. A blanket of annoyance so thick that you could cut it with a Spork hung in the air. Navi was wearing it.

"So that's where you get yer powers…" Tani muttered. Navi glared at her. "Uhm, I mean, never mind."

Link sighed. "Tani, you said something about knowing how to get there?" She smiled.

"Well, not so much me, but MooMoo knows how to get there."

"How's some dumb cow gonna help us get to the temple?" Navi asked, raising one nonexistent brow.

"How's some dumb fairy gonna keep her mouth shut?" MooMoo asked. Link and Navi gave a start.

"Here's a start!" Link said. "How is that cow talking?"

"How is that cow talking?" Navi repeated.

"I mean, is that even physically possible?" Link asked in disbelief.

"I mean, is that even physically possible?" Navi repeated…again.

"Is there an echo in here?" Tani and MooMoo (who will know be known as MM, due to the laziness of the authoress) said at the same time.

"Aaah! The curse of the stoopid echoes has befallen us!" Tani cried.

"Are you alright? Guys, I think she's lost it." MM said.

"Think yer right...wait am I talking to a cow?" Link asked.

"Yes, yes you are." Navi said. "I think we've all lost it."

"Lost what?"

"The pickle of course."

"Okay, okay! Can we please leave now?" MM asked. "I'm flippin hungry, and the forest temple has THE best grass. So let's get a move on, ne?" She looked around. Navi and Tani were throwing things at each other, and Link was asleep on a stump…that was slowly…walking away?!

"Yo!" MM yelled. No one seemed to hear "Yo!" no response. "FRICKIN HELLO!" Link snored loudly, and Tani and Navi stopped their assault. They all looked at the twitching cow.

"Looks like SOMEBODY had some crab grass this morning." Navi muttered.

"Link! You didn't share!" Tani said, sounding hurt. "Link? Where'd he go?" the stump he had been sitting on had scuttled off, carrying Link with it.

"It went that way!" Tani said, pointing at a large boulder. "What a smart stump, putting a boulder in our way…"

MM put up her front left leg. "Leave it to me!" she proceeded to charge, smashing the boulder into many small twigs.

"Guess it wasn't a real boulder. Let's go!" Tani said, picking up a twig and flicking it at Navi.

"Ow! That was my frickin eye!"

"I wasn't aware you HAD an eye!"

"I wasn't aware you had a BRAIN!"

"Oh BURN!" MM yelled. Both arguers looked over to her.

"Ahchoo achoo…I didn…mhuh…crazy…meh" she mumbled incoherently.

Tani shook her head. "We need to find Link!"

"Why do you care?"

"Uhm…" Tani said, "He has all the…food! Yah, that's…yah."

"Uhuh." MM said knowingly.

"What don't youget out of my life and shutup!" Tani said whirling around.

"You know I can't do that. Let's just get to the temple shall we? We're close."

"What about Link?" Navi asked, since Tani decided she didn't care anyomore and she now had to inspec a rather ordinary tree.

"What about him? Hopefully that stump will take him to the temple."

"And if it doesn't?"

"Well, then I'll leave you and Señora Psychopath there, and I'll go find him. Okay?" MM finished, nodding sagely. (hint, hint)

"Sounds like a deal to me." Tani said, rubbing he hands together. There was a malicious glint in her eyes.

"Uh…" Navi gulped. "J-just me and her? Please be there Link. Please be there Link." The fairy began chanting.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo Later oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Alright. We can rest now." MM declared, as Tani fell to the grass.

"Are we there yet?"

"Yup."

"Really?" the girl asked excitedly.

"Yeah. We just have to go through this maze thing, and we're there!"

T-T "Is that ALL we have to do? A maze, then zip?" Tani asked hopefully.

"Well, there actually should be some Wolfos around here, but, come to mention it, I haven't seen any the whole time we've been going through the woods." MM said. Tani sweatdropped.

"Yah…weird… So! Let's get this over with!" Tani said moving towards the entrance of the maze.

"No! Wait!" MM yelled. Too late.

"Aaaaaaaaah!" Tani cried. "There's a big pig-thingy! And it's chasing me!!"

"Idiot. You'd think she'd look first, but nah." Navi said with a sigh. MM and Navi calmly made there way through the maze, since Tani had mowed down every Deku Scrub in her path as she fled from the pig-thing (what _are_ those things called?) MM and Navi knew when Tani ran into a new one, because she announced it with a shriek. By the time they were through, Tani was on top of a hedge, with about 5 pig things walking back and forth under her.

"Hehehe. You alright there? Those things aren't that bad you know." Navi laughed.

"Oh yeah! You haven't seen there king yet! He's up there, and these guys said they're gonna bring me to him! I think he's gonna eat me!" the girlwept in dismay.

"Get her!" Navi yelled. MM gave her a look. "I mean…boo." Navi sighed, trying to forget her short-lived dream of seeing Tani eaten. MM rolled her eyes.

"I know you don't like her much, but we have to get her down."

"I'm not helping."

"Oh yes you are!"

"Oh yeah? Bet you can't make me" Navi said smugly.

"Come o- wait. Did you say bet?" MM asked enthusiastically.

"Yah. Why?" Navi asked cautiously. Now Navi, not having much experience with talking cows, didn't know about how impossible it is for them to turn down a bet.

"Yer on!" MM yelled. Navi gave a small eep as MM leaped up and caught her.

"No fair! I didn't know cows could leap!" Navi complained.

"Boo-hoo. Before you met me, ya didn't know they could talk either! Ha! I win, so give me 100 rupees!" MM said happily.

"WHAT! We didn't even _bet_ 100 rupees!"

"Exactly."

"WHAT!?"

"Look, it says so right…here!" MM said, pulling out the Official Betting Rulebook. "It's official, and it says that 'in any bet in which a specific prize is not determined, the loser of the bet must fork over one hundred (100) rupees.' So hah!"

"You made that up. If that was official, it wouldn't have said 'fork over'." Navi said. MM simply shook her head and pointed to the back cover. Navi read it out loud.

"It says 'This rule book uses official words such as fork, patooie, and cheese-whiz' Fine then!" Navi yelled. "Take yer crummy rupees!" Navi said, tossing MM two 50 rupee pieces.

"Thank you." MM turned to were the pig –things were poking a quivering Tani with their spears. "Ahem. Oh boys! I'll give you one hundred rupees if you leave her alone!"

"So what?" one of them snorted. "If we bring this shrimp to boss, we'll get more than that a piece." MM had fire in her eyes.

"Wanna bet?"

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **

"That'll teach you to mess with a lady!" Tani yelled after the pig-guys. She looked over to MM, who was surrounded by weapons and armor. "What're you gonna do with all that junk?"

"I dunno. I don't want any of it."

"Then why'd you bet for it?"

"So they would lose and have to give me all of it!! Muaha!" MM laughed evilly.

"Riiiight." Tani said, backing away.

"Oh come on, I'm only kidding. Wanna pick out a weapon?"

"All right." Tani said, though she didn't look as though she believed her. She went over to the pile if junk and dug through it. She pulled out a sling-shot.

"Oh cool! I've always wanted one of these! She yelled, pointing it at stuff. Trees, rocks, random objects. (coughNavicough)

Navi came over. "Hmm. Looks like the one Link had. Weird." Tani ignored her and dug deeper into the pile.

"Neat-o! There's a boomerang too!" she exclaimed. "Sweet!"

"Now I know _that_ was Link's!" Navi yelled, flying over to Tani.

"Finders keepers" Tani said, hugging the items to her.

"Well apparently." MM said. "And it looks like these goons robbed Link. So let's go find him. Hopefully he's not in trouble."

"Kay." Tani said, putting away her new found boomerang and slingshot.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **

"So, how we gonna take out this guy?" Tani asked her companions. They were contemplating how to defeat the big pig. (Are ya achin? Yup yup yup. For some bacon? Yup yup yup. He's a big pig! Yup yup. You can be a big pig too! Hoooah!)

"Well, I think the cow here has done enough." Navi said.

"That's Ms. Cow to you!" MooMoo yelled. "_If_ you don't remember, it was _my_ ingenious betting that saved Tani here"

"She's got a point." Tani nodded.

"What good even _are_ you?" MM asked the fairy.

"I, uhm… I can fly over to things so Link can look at 'em! And uhm…shutup!"

"You _cannot_ shutup! Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiar!" Tani complained.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" a scream was heard in the distance, stopping the argument.

"I know that scream! It's Link, and he's in trouble!" Navi yelled.

"Where is he Lassie? Lead us to 'im girl!" Tani cooed mockingly.

"Shutup!" Navi said as the group began to move towards where the scream had come from.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **

Well! That was officially pointless! It's official! Hehehhehee… sorry it took so long, I am hating school right now, plus I've been playing Harvest Moon a lot. 678 cool points to anyone who likes that game! w00t! But, now my Gamecube is broken! T-T So I can't play! That does give me more time to write…but only if I get reviews!! Oh, and you know what? I went roller blading this day, and now my ankles and wrists really hurt cuz I bit it really hard like 3 times in the rink! And I was like the only kid over 7 who fell that much. Then I got hyper at pizza Hut and raced to the truck and fell. I have big scrapes on my hand, my hip, and both my knees. Well, one knee really has a scratch from when I fell running to the bus the other day…maybe I should stop running towards vehicles. Hmm. Question! What would you trade me for a fox-demon? The current bid is a meal at Blueberry Twist! (I know you guys can do better than that.)


	4. Dance Dance Ocarina!

Hey! What's happening! Spring Break is over tomorrow! Do you know what that means? It means I haven't updated in a really long time! Sorry guys. I just really don't want to go back to school! I hate school! I don't even remember if I had homework. I'm pretty sure I did, but whatever. Am I rambling yet? Not quite? All right then...palomitas (anybody know what that is?) sounds real good right now. I'm hungry. (Someone whispers something in her ear.) Oh. Okay. I'm officially rambling. Go read now!

Mr. Dude: wow. She can really ramble. Oh, she owns Kokiri Krispies and nothing else. Especially not the lines off the Zelda cartoon. Oh, and I am pleased to inform you we now have a narrator! We are so cool! But this is the narrator's first time narrating, so be kind.

Yes, be kind. I have few words for you before we begin. A 5-year plan: you know you want one! Maybe if Link had one, he wouldn't have had to cross-dress...I mean, I didn't say anything about what's going to happen!

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Tani, MooMoo, and Navislowly made their way to where they knew the Super-Moblin was waiting.

"Hey! Listen! It's gonna be dangerous up there!" Navi yelled.

"No shit Sherlock." Tani mumbled.

"Poor Sherlock can't shit." MooMoo said.

"Anyway, Link is in trouble, so we need to go help him." Navi said.

"We?" Tani asked skeptically. Navi was going to...do something helpful?

"And when I say we, I mean you." The fairy finished.

"Typical." MooMoo rolled her eyes, watching the two bicker.

Meanwhile... Link had been being held captive by the Super- Moblin

"Let me go! I am but a humble peasant looking for bread!" Link cried. (Man he's a bad liar!)

"Yah sure. I don't believe you, but I will give you one chance to leave. If you answer my question correctly, you may leave." The S-M said.

"And if I don't answer correctly?"

"Oh then I'll kill you." The S-M said quite calmly. Link gulped.

"Doesn't look like I have any other choice..."

So, when Tani and MooMoo (Navi had been sling-shotted and was now stuck in a tree) walked into the clearing, they saw Link yelling at the S-M.

"And what?"

"That's all there is to the question."

"But that doesn't make any sense! And what!" Link yelled, waving his arms madly. Tani walked up to him, looking a bit scared.

"Uhm, Link? What's goin on?" Tani asked, confused. "That's the bad guy, right?" she whispered to Link, pointing at the S-M. Link nodded and began whispering back.

"Well yah, but right now I'm figuring out this question, it's the only way to make him leave me alone. The question is really har-" Link was interrupted by the S-M mid-whisper.

"You know I can hear you, right? You're not allowed to ask for help!"

"But!"

"It won't hurt if I just _hear_ the question will it? As long as I don't _say_ anything to Link here?" Tani asked, smiling mischievously. The S-M nodded.

"I guess...Here is the question: What is the difference between a bush?"

Link had expected to see Tani looking as confused and hopeless as he was, not for her to jump up and down exclaiming, "I know this one! I _know this one_!"

"What?"

"I told you! When I got my bo-"

"You cannot speak to him!" the S-M spoke, cutting her off.

"Fine then!" Tani said huffily. Tani went to the side of a clearing and began to shake a bush madly. She then looked at Link and put her hands in her armpits. She then moved her arms back and forth and bobbed her head.

"Ok, I get it. Charades. Is that allowed?" Link asked, looking at the S-M. The S-M nodded. First was a...bush? What does that have to do with anything? I get back to that. Then you..." He trailed off, looking at her. She moved her wings back and forth again. "You're a Cucco?" She shook her head. And MooMoo quaked. "What? Why did you...? Oh! She's a duck!" Tani nodded fervently. "Okay. What does that have to do with anything?" Tani pointed from the bush to one of her wings. "Uhh...I don't get it." Tani pulled a leaf off of the bush and shook it at Link. "A leaf? What?" She pointed to her wing and shook the leaf again. "A duck with leaves?" Tani fell to the ground. She stood back up and shook her head. "But ducks don't have leaves." Tani jumped up and down and nodded like a madwoman.

"The question Link, think of the question!" MooMoo said.

"Okay. What is the difference between a bush? And a...duck?...Tani showed me a duck doesn't have leaves, so...Hey! Moblin!" Link yelled to the S-M.

"That's Super-Moblin to you kid!" (Honestly, I've been referring to him by S-M for a while now Link! What did you think it stood for? Stupid-Monkee? Come on now...)

"Whatever. I have your answer!"

"Oh do you?"

"A duck has no leaves!" Link said confidently. The moblin looked as though he had just been kicked in the teeth by a midget.

"No, not the all-powerful question! How? How? How! I...you...cheeses...uhhhhhh..." And so the heroes witnessed the demise of the Super Moblin of the Lost Woods.

"Okay. Let's move on, then?" MooMoo said, walking forward. Tani however ran over to Link and glomped him mightily.

"You did it! You did it! You figured it out! I guess I misunderestimated you. There's hope yet!" Tani said, marching after MooMoo. Link sat on the ground, confused. It was not the first, nor was it the last time he had been confused that day. He figured out Tani's weird acting, and she hugged him, and...

"Link! There you are! What happened!" Navi said, flying over to him. Her wing looked oddly bent.

"Huh? I'll explain later."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **

The group walked towards the pedestal, and just as they reached it...

"STOP! Don't take another step, or she'll have you!" The crazed person was none other than...

"Sheik! What in the world is going on?" Link asked, looking at the poor, messed up Sheikah.

"There's no time for that now..." Sheik replied, eyes wide. "Link, you must get away from here! It's dangerous!"

"So? What's your problem anyway? We're trying to get to the temple, so if you could just move..." Tani said, stepping towards Sheik and onto the pedestal.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sheik screamed. "She'll know you're here! I cannot stay, or she'll catch me again!" With a loud crack, smoke filled everyone's eyes. When it cleared, they looked up to see...Sheik still standing there.

"Hate when that happens. You get duds sometimes. Aha. GOODBYE!" With another loud crack, Sheik disappeared. About a second later, maniacal laughter filled the clearing. However, this failed to fill the heroes with much terror due to the fact the laughing fiend choked and tee-hee'd.

"What the_ hell_ was th-" Tani was cut short as a large black thing dropped out o the sky and hit Link squarely on the head.

"What is this supposed to be?" Link asked, sitting up and rubbing the big bump on his head. The thing in question was large, square, and had two blue arrows and two pink arrows, all pointing in different directions. Link stared at it for a second and Tani squeaked.

"Oh I haven't played that in _ages_!" she exclaimed picking it up happily. She looked at it, shook it and flipped it over. "Where's the music?"

"What _is_ that?" Link asked, climbing to his feet.

"It's a DDR pad, duh. Man, you really _have_ been out for seven years. But this seems like a newer version. My old one didn't have an A button in the middle. Guess they were updated when I was off with my sister..."

"You have a sister?" Link asked, interested.

"This is a really fun game." Tani said, changing the subject back to the pad.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Dance Dance Revolution. You step on the arrows as they come up on the screen and you get a score. But there's no screen..." She trailed off. Link saw it was obvious she wasn't going to talk about her sister, so he followed her lead and ignored it.

"Okay, so it's a game?" He asked. Tani exhaled. She almost blew the secret! They would have _killed_ her!

"Yup." She nodded.

"Show me how to play?"

"I would, but there's no screen or music. If there was, I'd throw it on the ground, like so, and step on start. See?" Tani said, pointing out the button. Link stepped on the pad and pressed start. To everyone's great surprise, a screen appeared out of thin air.

"Welcome to DDO, Dance Dance Ocarina." The screen spoke.

"Hey Link, maybe you can use this, because your ocarina blew up!" Navi observed.

"Good observation, Captain Obvious." Tani said as she rolled her eyes. "Give it a shot." She said, shrugging her shoulders at Link. He pressed start again.

"Go with Beginner, Link." Tani advised. He chose Beginner Level and looked at the songs.

"Oh cool! There's already Zelda's Lullaby, Epona's Song, Saria's Song, the Sun Song, the Song of Time, and...Minuet of Forest? What's that one?" He asked, confused.

"Must be the one to warp here." Tani aid, pointing to the pedestal they were standing on. "Play it."

"Alright." He said. He wasn't to sure about this whole thing. The arrows began to come up.

"Step on the button as it comes to that bar Link! Tani cheered. "A!"

"Perfect!" the game chimed.

"Up!" Tani coached.

"Good!"

"Left!"

"Perfect!"

"Right!"

"Perfect!"

"Left!"

"Great!"

"Right!

"Perfect! Alright!" The game said. It played the Minuet of Forest.

"Good job Link! You're really good at this!" Tani cheered, smiling brilliantly. Link blushed.

"It was just beginner's luck." Link said.

"Don't be so modest!" Navi said.

"What do you think, MooMoo? MooMoo?" Tani asked. The cow in question was nowhere to be seen. Tani looked around more, but it was no use. "You guys!" Tani yelled to Link and Navi. "MooMoo's been kid-napped! I mean, cow-napped! What are we gonna do?"

"Good riddance." Navi muttered. Tani glared at her.

"You're gonna find yourself in a tree again I you don't watch out."

"..."

"That's what I thought." She said. She looked towards the entrance to the temple. "Link, you got your items back right?"

"Yeah, except for my slingsh-" He narrowed his eyes at her and she sweat-dropped.

"Eheh. Yah...well, anyways..." she said, changing the topic. "MooMoo might be in the temple, so. To get up there, you gotta pull out your hooks-" she stopped short with a horrified look on her face. "Link?" she asked. She looked like she was gonna die.

"What? What is it?" he asked, worried. Tani was now crying.

"You d-don't have y-your Hookshot, d-do you?" she asked, lip quivering. Link shook his head. Tani wailed.

"How did I forget!" she cried, throwing her arms up in frustration. She began mumbling to herself. "I was supposed to...go to the graveyard...then come here...get to the temple...how did I forget! I'm wasting time...she's gonna _kill_ me..."

"Who?" Link asked. He was definitely worried now. Tani looked him, eyes wide.

"Shit. Uhh...Anju, you know, the Cucco lady? Yeah, I was...gonna...help her...catch the Cuccos!" He finished, smiling.

"You'd have to be really thick t-" Navi began.

"Alrighty then." Link said happily. Navi face-faulted and Tani sweat dropped. (The sweat-drop was the size of Canada! No! New Zealand! NO! _Australia_!)

'I can't believe he believed me!' Tani thought to herself. 'I am a good liar though.' But Link is not as stupid as she thought he was once. (I love that movie!) He knew something was up. But Tani wasn't gonna talk about yet, so he might as well play along.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **

"So...I need this Hookshot thing?" he asked as they made their way across Hyrule field towards Kakariko Village.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. We gotta go get it from that dead guy-"

"What! I hate zombies! If it's a Re-dead!"

"Oh, no don't worry." Tani said. Link sighed. "It's just a ghost."

"I hate ghosts! Have you ever _seen_ a ghost?" Link asked. He began flapping his arms. "Fwoohoohoo!"

"Okay okay! We'll figure somethin out once we get there okay?"

"Fine. Stupid ghosts..."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **

"Well, we're here." Tani said. They were indeed. Link looked around at all the graves and shuddered.

"oh come on Link. " Navi sighed.

"I don't like ghosts. I kill them...they come BACK. I can see through them. I hate see-through stuff!"

"Not a big fan of Jell-O I take it?" Tani joked.

"Huh? Never mind, I don't even want to know. So, why were you covering your face the whole way through town?" He asked, her smile slid right off her face.

"Uhh...well, the people in this town...let's just say I'm none to popular around here."

"..."

"Well! Link, you're gonna have to race Dampe. He was the keeper of the grave yard. You met him? Yeah, well now he's a-"

"Ghost, I know. But I already told you that I don't like ghosts! I am not going up to one and suggesting a nice game of tag!" Link in a trying-to-be casual voice, and he failed miserably.

"Fine, ya baby. I got an idea. Dampe will race someone who looks like you right?"

"I guess so."

"Alright then, take off your tunic."

"That'd take way too long."

"Link!"

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **

Ha! Don't worry; it's not nearly so bad. Link's just a little...yeah. You should all be happy! This chapter was so long, I had to cut it in half! So yah, this is only half. I'll post the other half ASAP! I have to work on The Prince more. He has an unpleasant split-personality disorder right now. Yeah, you'll see what I'm talking about so. Review please!


	5. Princes, villains, and OOCness

here it is, the long-awaited next chapter! ... Why? Why does no one care? Just kidding! I know you care! In fact, I wasn't sure if I should update and then...**shabaam**! (Shabaam is a word owned and operated by the Prince. Wait, you don't...I SAID NOTHING) I get **four** wonderful reviews. I was so happy, I had to update! I was gonna update, but Dnomyar persuaded me. Thanks buddy! Oh yes, beware of OOC-ness! stamps your hand _You have been warned!_

on wit da SHOW!

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"I can't believe you agreed to this." Navi said. She looked at Link again. He was sitting on a gravestone, looking about as pissed off as he knew how to. Why, you may ask? Well, he was wearing Tani's clothes. Navi broke out in giggles again.

"Shutup."

"But you l-look so, so pretty! Haahahahahaha!" She laughed and flew off.

"I'm gonna kill them both. I should've taken the ghost." Tani had come up with the ingenious plan. They would switch clothes. She had reasoned that she was faster and not afraid of ghosts, and if all else failed, she would just steal the Hookshot. Link had been waiting nearly half an hour.

"If somebody sees me in this I'm just going to die." What a drama queen.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Tani had just finished the race and was doing a victory dance.

"Booya! Eat that, ghost man! Muaha!" She yelled, jumping up and down. Dampe just stared at her...er...him. "Eh...sorry, I'm competitive." Tani said. But that wasn't the reason Dampe was staring. As Tani was jumping, one leg of the tights had slipped and Dampe had seen her leg. The problem was that she shaves her legs, and Dampe thinks she is Link. .

"Huh? Oh, don't worry about it. I've been shaving I mean saving this Hookshot for the winner of my game. It is easy to use. It even has a little razor I mean laser that points out where it will shoot." He said, looking away and blushing. Tani smiled.

"That's was fun. I gotta go get to dead I mean bed now. Now that I have the Hookshot, I have deceased I mean increased my skills." Both stood in silence. Well nearly silence. Tani was barely suppressing a laugh. She got control of herself and looked at Dampe.

"Well, bye then!" she yelled and skipped off. She looked behind her and saw Dampe looking at her. She burst into laughter and sped up.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **

Meanwhile, Link's worst nightmare was coming true. No not the one about bunny slippers and peanut butter. Oh no. That would be far too simple.The one about being seen in Tani's clothes. Yeah. He had been hiding as well as he could, but a kid of about 6 or 7 had found him.

"Excuse me, Miss?" The child had laughed. Link jumped.

"Who me?"

"Well you're the only Miss I see." He said, trying to be serious.

"Listen kid, I'm not a girl."

"Really?" he looked interested.

"Really really." Link said. The kid narrowed his eyes for a moment.

"I challenge you to a duel, you scurvy cross-dressing mongrel!" he yelled. He drew a plastic sword from his belt and glared at Link crazily. I'm mean like Link had just eaten an Octorok. I'm serious. This kid is completely nuts.

"I'm not gonna fight you kid."

"You yellow-bellied land lover! I'll have you, long shanks!" he cried and charged. Link blocked him with one arm. Navi heard this and flew over.

"Link? What's going on?"

"Some crazy kid is attacking me!" Link yelled, motioning to the flailing child.

"I am not just some crazy kid, I'll have you know!" He said, standing up.

"Oh really, who are you then?" Link asked skeptically. The kid drew his sword and struck a pose.

"I am Barafin! Th-" he was cut off by laughter from Link and Navi.

"Hahahahahahahahahaha! Y-your name i-is, hahaha, Barfin? Hehehe..." Link laughed.

"No of course not! My name is Barafin."

"HAHAHA!"

"Stop this insanity now! That's it! Duel dog! Taste my...sweet potatoes!" he proceeded to throw numerous sweet potatoes at Link. Which only made him laugh harder. The kid was furious. Link was dying from laughter when Tani arrived. She looked at the kid and then at Link. She gasped and kicked Link, which made him fall over.

"Link, don't laugh at him!" She said and then bowed to the kid. Link now had all the wind knocked out of him and it took him a second to catch his breath. (What, what do I do? Sorry, inside joke.)

"What, this crazy little kid?" Link asked, pointing to the child who was now chasing Navi with a stick.

"Link! That's the prince! The freakin _prince_, you idiot!"

"Huh?" Zelda has a brother?"

"Yah! Well, you were out of it for 7 years, so, damn, you don't know anything do you?" Link looked offended, but he didn't have a chance to reply. "He's the King's second child. He was born right before Ganondork took over. He's Prince Barathin." Tani said. Link sniggered. "What's so funny?"

"When he said who he was, he said his name was Barafin." Link said, suppressing his laughter once more.

"Hmm. He must have a speech impediment. Maybe that happened when he went crazy too."

"Huh?"

"Oh. When he was littler, he fell out of the castle, from like the fifth story, into the moat. People say the fish tried to eat him. He went a little insane, and I guess he can't even say his own name right. Poor kid."

"Aack! Tani, help me!" Link yelled. Barathin was beating him senselessly with an onion. "Help!"

"No you deserve this for laughing at a speech impediment." Said Tani looking disgusted "So Prince Barathin why are you here anyway?"

"I was sent here by my sister to train with the hero of Time, and don't tell me, it's this guy" Barathin looked at the swirly-eyed hero lying on the ground.

"Yah, that would be him." Tani said sadly. "So basically, Zelda sent you here so Link could be your body guard?"

"...Basically."

"Right." Tani nodded and kicked the fallen hero. "Link, are you ready to go?" He sat up and blinked.

"Yeah. Uhm, where are we going?" He asked.

"I don't know, where do you wanna go?" Barathin answered.

"I don't know, where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know, where do you wanna go?"

"I know!" Tani yelled. "As long as we're in Kakariko Village, we should head up the mountain.

"Why?" Link and Barathin asked.

"So we can visit the Great Fairy, duh." Tani replied.

"Alright, let's go. But, uh, Tani?" Link asked.

"What Link?"

"Can we switch our clothes back?"

"No."

"What do you mean no!"

"I like these clothes."

"They're mine!"

"Fine." Tani rolled he eyes. "Baby."

"I'm not a baby!" Link pouted.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **

Our heroes had swapped back their clothes and were walking through Kakariko Village, headed for the gate. Unfortunately, they had to find Barathin first, as he had run off in search of 'treasure'.

"Where the hell did that little punk go?" Link asked irritably.

"Oh, Link. Such language!" Tani scoffed with her hand over her mouth. She ruined this effect by giggling madly. "I think I'm having an influence on you."

"I'm gonna kill that kid." Link was irritable due top the fact that he had been subjected to wearing girls clothes and now had to look after Zelda's kid brother. And he is a baby.

"I'm not a baby!"

Yes, you are. On with the story. Tani and Link were looking for the Prince, when they were spotted by some guards.

"Can we help you with something?" They asked dully. Tani hid her face, which drew attention to her. The guard seemed to recognize her. "You there, girl, halt!" Tani paled and took off running. "It's the FIRE CAT!" the guard yelled. This exclamation caused Tani to run faster and leap atop a building. The call also brought several other guards, who promptly surrounded the building.

"We've got her this time men!" the apparent captain of the guard yelled. Several of the men smirked and one called out.

"So ya wench, you've decided to come out in the light? Bit more dangerous round here than in the darkness, isn't it? Hahaha..." He gloated. Link looked at poor Tani. She didn't look too happy. Link decided he had to do something. He made to go towards the building, but before he made it there, he was spotted by that first guard.

"That man was seen with the thief! He must be in league with her!" the guard yelled. A few of the guards surrounded Link.

"Navi, help!" He yelled. The fairy was nowhere to be seen. "I'm..."

"...dead." Tani said. She saw the guards all around her, and she saw Link get captured. "Oh well," She sighed "I'll find some way out. I could just get out right now, but I gotta save Link too. What a bother that boy has turned out to be."

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO **

Our two heroes sat in what was obviously a rarely used jail cell. The town wasn't used to having prisoners, so they only even had one cell. The two were debating a way out of this mess.

"C'mon! Just use one of those lil bombs, and KABOOM! We're outta here!" Tani was trying to persuasde link to blow up the wall of the jail cell. It wasn't going very well.

"Blowing things up is not _always_ the answer! We have to think of a more..._diplomatic_ way out of here."

"Like what?"

"Well, it was a mistake anyway, wasn't it? Surely you aren't this 'Fire Cat' they were talking about. Right?" He added, looking at Tani. She turned away and didn't speak. "You're not serious."

"I had to make a living somehow. It was so easy to steal from these people. And it was fun." She added as an afterthought.

"You _can't _be serious! You _stole_ to make a living?" Link asked in disbelief. Sure this girl was crazy and admittedly bit dangerous, but a thief!

"Oh please Link. Not everyone is a little goody two-shoes like you. We can't all be like that." She said. He still looked stunned. Was it really that big of a deal to him? "Look, it's not like I stole big stuff! Not very often anyway. I just stole little things, here and there. It got more and more fun every time, because these idiots finally realized what was going on. So I let myself be seen a few times. I only ever came at night, and I wore all black. But, I didn't wear a hat. I felt like I owed them some clue. Then I got my nickname." She paused and grinned mischievously.

"So you started messing with them. For the heck of it? Man, yer crazier than I thought. So they saw yer hair, and that's why they called you Fire Cat. But why Cat...?"

"Well I landed on my feet, duh! And my hair wasn't the only reason for 'Fire'. I set things on fire from time to time. That was accidental though!" She added, seeing the look on Link's face.

"Sure it was. But anyway, why did you attack here so much? Didn't you raid other villages too?"

"Well, yah. But this one was closest to my s-" She clapped her hands over her mouth suddenly, obviously having said too much. Her eyes were wide. "Dammit." She murmured.

"What? What were you gonna say?" Link asked curiously. This wasn't the first time she'd shut up suddenly. And it was probably important. Link decided to let it drop for now though. He changed the subject back to escaping.

"Well "Fire Cat". We still need to get out of here. What should we do?" So for 5 more mins, several more terrible escape plans were discussed and refuted, including one that had Link dressing up as a chicken.

"How would that help?" He asked incredulously.

"Well, it would cheer me up!" Tani yelled. Link just stared at her. "What? It'd be funny!" Link just rolled his eyes.

"We need to think of a real plan here lady!" Link yelled. It looked like they were going to be in here forever at this rate...But just when all hope seemed lost...

Nothing happened.

(Hahaha...just kidding!)

No she's not. Nothing happened.

do do do, do do do...

twitch twitch

Angry mob: Get on with it!

(Okay, okay!) Just when all hope seemed lost...

"C'mon there, yer free to go." A guard spoke, unlocking the cell door.

"What, why?" Link asked. Tani elbowed him.

"Who cares why? We're outta here!" She yelled, grabbing Link's arm and pulling him along behind her.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Link and Tani walked away from the police station (well, what else would it be?) feeling quite lucky.

"Thanks for getting us out Barathin." Link said, looking at the small boy.

"Well of course he got us out! He's our friend!" Tani said, hugging the young prince. Said prince was beaming and puffing out his chest.

"So how'd you get us out exactly?"

"Well, I _am_ the prince."

"Which means you lied to them." Tani said, smiling. The small prince stumbled a bit.

"Eh...what I did was...er..."

"S'okay kid. You got us out and that's all that counts."

"Yah...all that...counts..." Barathin spoke with a shifty-eyed look.

"You call that a shifty-eyed look?" Tani asked as though she doubted the so called shifty-eyed look. "He just looks to one side over and over again! He's supposed to look from side to side! Like this!" Tani proceeded to demonstrate proper shifty-eyed technique. As Tani instructed the young prince, Link thought about their predicament.

"So, we're going back to the Forest Temple now?" Link asked.

"There, right and left, right left...What Link?" Tani asked.

"Are we going to the Forest Temple now?"

"Uh no. We decided to hit the Fire Temple as long as we're here." Tani spoke.

"We decided?"

"I decided then."

"I thought you said we were just gonna see the fairy."

"Not very flexible are you? Barathin, those rocks never did anything to you." Tani said, looking over to the prince.

"I wasn't...YOU SAW NOTHING!"

"C'mon, let's get a move on. S'just up the mountain." Tani said lightly. O.O Link just stared at her in disbelief.

"Just up the mountain?"

"Mmm-hmm!"

"You make it sound small!"

"Oh don't be such a baby!" Tani said off-handedly. She and Barathin began to make their way up the trail going up Death Mountain. Link just shook his head in defeat and followed them.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

"Hmm, d'you think she'll be able to finish the job?" Mused a woman that sported countless dark braids. Her acidic green eyes held a rather bored expression.

"I am not sure. She has not been following the plan as she should be. It took her far too long to retrieve the hookshot. And now she is deterring from the path to...'hit the Fire Temple'." The violet haired woman paced back and forth, causing her long white skirt to flutter. She stopped and looked at her companion sharply. "I've been meaning to ask...why on earth are you dressed as a dorko queen?" She asked, motioning to the dramatic forest green gown and silver crown.

"Because...I am the Queen of the Kokiri!" She said dramatically, twirling her jeweled scepter.

"You've given yourself a title have you? Nice."

"You may be the ruler of Hyrule, but...ruler, Hyrule, ha ha that's cool..." She trailed off. Her friend arched an eyebrow.

"You were saying?"

"Huh? Oh yah! You may be ruler of Hyrule, but I am the Queen of the Kokiri. And there's nothin you can do about it!" She finished, sticking out her tongue.

"You do know that all your subjects are kids and that you rule a wood right?"

"It's a _forest_, and they are _magic_! You know that, Lynnara!" She said, annoyed.

"Alright, alright." Lynnara relented. She tightened the ribbons on her ice blue top. "I wonder, Minuette, whether our little Tani will be able to leave the hero when the time comes. I think we may need to intervene."

"Uh-huh. Look, did you see my bag of chips? I lost 'em again." Minuette asked idly, obviously not paying attention.

"Tani took them." She replied without missing a beat. Her friend jumped to her feet, a manic glint in her eye.

"That's it. We're gonna go find that loser right now."

"I was hoping you'd say that." Lynnara muttered, grabbing a floor length white coat. "Let's be going then. Hmm I wonder if we should tell Kamaru we're coming."

"Nah, that'd ruin the surprise."

"Indeed." And with that, the two women turned into balls of light and sped off in the direction of Death Mountain.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Gasp! Have we just had a scene comprising only of the villains? I believe we have. Wasn't it great? It's about time they start playing a bigger part. And that was only two of 'em. C'mon, doesn't anyone have a clue about what these chix0r are up to? Or should I say were up to? Or...both? C'mon, anyone?

Duck: Quack.

horrific gasp How did you know!

Anyway, sorry about the long wait, I hope to have another chapter soon, but you never know...do not underestimate the power of a review. l6er!


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